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Digiwaffle
A genetic marvel, none can argue that Digiwaffles is a prime example of the kind of all-or-nothing troopers that the XCOM Project will need to save the world. May we see his like again lest we all be doomed to his fate. More machine than man Digiwaffle was created when a Germanian scientist attempted to create the ultimate being. Unfortunately, the scientist in question had a serious sexual attraction to waffles which introduced an element of his creation that would greatly differentiate their creation from a real and sane human. Thus began his decades of experiments, trying to fuse the intelligence of a computer, with the body of a man, and the deliciousness of a waffle. Countless failures occured (, some rumoured to still be out there in the wild waiting for humanity's greatest need,) and upon his success, Digiwaffle was born and out of pure instinctual disgust for his creator waffle fucking ways, Digiwaffle killed him with nothing but his bare hands, a jar of Patak's curry paste... and a shotgun. Digiwaffle fled into the wilderness, being hunted by animals at every turn, as he smelled so deliciously like maple syrup. He eventually took shelter in a cave, and lived off a mountain of tinned curry stored there that he stole from Indian Reich troopers. He made sure never to directly confront them though nor the Jew armies under the command of the Jew Soviet, instead carefully studying them and learning the ways of a soldier. Whether he ever truly understood them or why they fought is doubted but it is known that when the aliens came he was ready. An unexpected recruit After the alien invasion started, Digiwaffle journeyed to XCOM HQ to join up in the fight against the aliens. Bewildered guards attempted to kill the intruder in case he was a spy for the aliens however they suddenly found themselves dying from food poisoning from the meal they ate for breakfast. How Digiwaffles did this is unknown nor is how he located the XCOM base but what is known is that it so thoroughly impressed the Great-Jew Womble by his skill and ruthlessness (, and probably how tasty he smelled let's be honest,) that he was immediately recruited into the programme and put into action as Scout, a role suited to his past as a survivalist and loner. First user of the marksman rifle in XCOM. Digiwaffles used it to great effect to pick off aliens around the entrance of a downed UFO in the UK. Digiwaffle's mohawk is the source of his power, it blinds any alien who looks upon it, conferring immunity to overwatch. his one true dream is to fire rockets, unfortunately, this will never happen. Unless xcom creates giant robot suits. But that would be ridiculous. No-one knows where he keeps getting the damn hair dye from, although he keeps telling rookies it's sectoid blood. Recent studies by Dr Vahlen's science team were unable to confirm whether their blood could do this and it was deemed a "waste of resources" whenever a soldier would petition for the study. It is speculated that Dr Vahlen has protected the truth to honour the memory of Digiwaffle with the actual truth being probably a bit weird and strangely sexual towards eggs. Terror in El Distrito Digiwaffle was killed when Great-Jew Womble sent a squad of brave men on a suicide mission to mexico, unfortunately Digiwaffles forgot to sacrifice his usual 7 virgin jars of curry to RnJesus, and he couldn't hit a damn thing even with the most advanced sniper rifle in human history. He was then brutally raped by a Chryssalid, a newly encountered alien of terrible form and purpose. His reanimated zombie was found crying in a shower 3 days after before he was put out of his misery by fellow soldiers though his corpse was left behind under strict orders to avoid any possible contamination of the XCOM HQ. ----- Category:Soldiers